I am currently one of those “shelter in place” counties for the next three weeks. Naturally I found my way to YouTube to kill some of the time. After watching possibly the 90th Influenster tell me about her favorite “must have products” that she obviously never tried before… it got me thinking. Why are there so many 30 min videos of people talking complete nonsense about products they got free or paid to promote but may not even like? That’s when I decided to make this blog. A whole ten mins ago. It’s a place where I will share my music, my tweets, and my actual thoughts on places, products, and things that I actually like and didn’t get paid to promote or use. Let’s do this!
What NOT to Say to a COVID Bride! (And what you can say!)
This is a weird time for all of us! I can see my friends and family struggle with what to say. I mean what can you say? Everyone’s situation is different and I definitely don’t speak for the brides of the World. But, here are some things that have been helpful and less than helpful for us.
🚫 “Just be positive!”
✅ “This must be a difficult time for you! But I have been admiring your strength!”
🚫 Asking a million questions.
✅ “Just wanted you to know that I care about you and have been thinking about you. You have been in our prayers!”
🚫 “Well at least you have each other!”
✅ “I’m sure you both have been working together to solve this. So proud of you!”
🚫 “My friend is doing…”
✅ “If you think of anything you needed support in, please let me know.”
🚫 “You Should…”
✅ “No matter how it happens, I am happy for you and here for you.”
1. DON’T tell them to be positive. This is probably the most annoying and unhelpful remark that I have gotten. Why? Well because I spent years dreaming of the perfect wedding. And months planning my actual one. In our case we ended up having to cancel. So there’s not many positive things going on at the moment. Also telling someone to be positive maybe gives you something to say but it doesn’t actually help someone to be positive. It’s just telling them, “Hey you are going through this sucky situation and also you aren’t really being positive enough.”
DO give them something positive to think about. Saying something like, “This must be a difficult time but I admire your strength!” Or “We have been thinking about you constantly.” These phrases are naturally positive but also heartwarming. Something sweet that a friend did was send me some flowers with a sweet card. Something like that was a nice touch.
2. DON’T ask too many questions. At this time it is nearly impossible to know what will happen. Remember that you are not the only one asking what is going on. They are getting 500 “what’s going to happen?” Daily! So think, “Am I a key player in this?” (Like a parent or the couple’s closest friend.) If you aren’t a key player, you don’t need to know.
DO talk about things other than the wedding. We live this situation everyday. It is emotional, stressful and we would prefer to not have to talk about it every waking moment, especially only to resolve a selfish and unessential curiosity. So just follow our lead, if we aren’t talking about the wedding to you then it probably means we don’t want to talk about it.
3. DON’T offer suggestions. Chances are… we already thought of that. And even if we didn’t, we don’t necessarily want to hear it. Even though we may not be keeping you completely updated- we are still working on things behind the scenes. Believe me we want to get married and are trying!
DO offer to support. Support beats suggestions any day. Knowing that you love us, care for us, and want the best from us means more than anything. And at this time, that’s all we really need to hear.
A joke that I said was maybe we can charge people for asking questions. Like for every question you ask about my wedding you can purchase something off my registry. 😂😂😂
Bottom line is if you are reading this post it is because you care about the couple that is going through this. And although this is from a limited point of view- just my experience and those that have had a similar situation as me- the main principle applies: We appreciate love and support. So please, try to keep in the questions and suggestions and show that love and support. It will make us feel like you really care and will open the door so that if we need help, we will feel comfortable coming to you.
Planning a Wedding is Hard. Un-Planning a Wedding Just Sucks.
And here I thought 2020 would be my year. I am in love, getting married, getting my dream job. Seemed to have a good start. But now I find my self neck high in the crap that is the Corona Virus.
For those that are just starting to plan a wedding, one piece of advice is to read your contracts and the cancellation policies. What I find annoying is the fact that the only reason I have to cancel is because there is a global crisis. Not because I changed my mind. Yet I have a DJ who won’t give me back my deposit because of the contract. I’m sorry but we’re you planning on coming to my wedding anyway? Because at the moment we are shelter in place. If you canceled on me would you give me my money back?
The logic on it is stupid to me. I get why they have a cancellation policy. People change their mind but I feel like they could be more understanding of my situation. I knew a wedding would make me broke. But I was going to be broke but have a slammin party. Now I’m broke. No party.
I get that this is hitting hard for everyone. But honestly unless you are giving me a service…why the heck am I paying you?
Anyway this was more of a rant than an informative post.
My Wedding Got Cancelled
I suddenly feel like Kim Kardashian when she lost her diamond earring in Bora Bora. Just exchange Diamond earring with wedding. Basically due to the virus, all my plans of a dream wedding are foiled. I am grateful to still be marrying the love of my life but I also wanted to share that with others. Anybody else dealing with this? What are you doing to cope? I feel like such a baby crying about a wedding while people are dying and have no way to feed their families because the grocery stores are empty. We just got so close!
I think people always say stuff like “It’s not going to be perfect. Just expect something will go wrong” but I don’t think anyone expects it to be cancelled completely.
Alealani Music 